You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
