been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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