Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
