So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
