someone owes me an orgasm
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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