i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
