My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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