Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You need a sexual gate keeper
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
