This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
