i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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