I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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