Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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