I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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