i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
