He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
