so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
