I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
