Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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