i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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