I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
