It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
