i jhust puked up my retainher.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
