what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
