the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
