I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
