I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I just put wine in my tea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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