Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
