i may or may not be watching the land before time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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