Where did you get a picture of my penis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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