smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
