i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
