Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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