Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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