jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
