Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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