Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
