Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
