I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
