Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
