Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
