I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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