We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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