you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
