so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
