WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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