I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
