It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
