my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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