the condom got lost in my hair
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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