So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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