Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
