The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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