Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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